I am turning 21 in a couple of hours and looking back on my college experience, I only feel a multitude of regret, which is far from what I know it should be. Since it’s the big twenty-one, a lot of people have asked me what I want for my birthday and to be perfectly honest,this is all I want. I can’t remember how many times I’ve begged just for “better art skills” for my birthday or Christmas, like it was something to be given and not worked for. Where I am right now is where I absolutely do not want to be and I refuse to stay here. Right now I just feel like I have to split my attention in two and nursing absolutely does not allow that.
The amount of setbacks I have faced are astonishing to me to the point that I feel like I am not surprised anymore: hard drive crash, flash drive crash, external hard drive crash and someone stealing my art books, amongst the most recent ones. I see friends around me on the path to achieving their dreams and attempt to swallow down the overwhelming bitterness I feel to replace it with only working harder. I have to believe that if I just keep working hard enough and give up everything else, I will make it. I absolutely cannot believe otherwise.
Nothing physical can ever amount to what a gift that this would mean to me. I will keep trying, even if I have to do it all again from scratch a thousand times because I have never wanted anything more. I am determined to claim it as my own, sooner rather than later.
